I’m still unpacking my notes from my mom’s message a few weeks ago at Reverb….one thing that really stuck out was a great word called ‘Choreplay.’ It’s the idea that serving around the house will rev up a women.  Maybe it’s true, but it has a dark side…the manipulation of servanthood.

I have heard SO MANY preachers, especially as certain unnamed men’s conferences, say something like, “if you do_________, then she’ll do _______.”  “If you just say this, then she’ll do that.”  “If you serve her like this, then you’re bound to get laid.” Everyone laughs and claps and elbows each other in the ribs.  It seriously pisses me off.

I don’t barter my services for sex.  I don’t expect my wife to have to work hard for me if she expects to be treated well.  We don’t serve our spouses in order to get laid (or to get a bigger chunk of the money to spend on crap we don’t need).  Serving has no agenda. Wait…serving has no SELFISH agenda.

We serve each other in order to help each other.  We serve each other as an expression of our love in action.  We serve each other to get closer to each other.  We serve each other to practice being like Jesus.  We serve each other in order to become one.

And maybe, just maybe, this intimacy might then spill over into the bedroom.

On Wednesday night I ran errands with my wife.

For four hours.

Drop off pants at the tailors.  Shopping at a thrift store, found nothing.  Buy potted plant. Return movies.  Drop of recyclables (okay, wine bottles). Drop off a ring at my engraver.  Drop of potted plant at home.  Name the potted plant ‘Tigris.’  Groceries.    Pick up pants at tailors.  Make dinner.

In summary, you have two options:

1. “I had to run a bunch of stupid errands with my wife”

2. “I got to spend time quality time with my wife doing annoying yet meaningful activities that will add to the quality of our lives.”

Dang…errands don’t seem so bad anymore.  It’s just a change in perspective.

Jay

Yesterday I decided to be a godly, loving, serving, wonderful, caring, gracious, Christlike, (humble?!) husband.

I did the dishes for my wife.

Am I a good guy or what?!

I’m a tool sometimes.

About halfway through the pasta dishes I suddenly realized- “I’m not doing the dishes for her.  I’m doing them for us.”

Dishes aren’t ‘her’ chore- they’re our responsibility.  Same with pretty much everything else around the house.  I can’t give birth- other than that, it’s all US.

PLEASE…serve your spouse.  But don’t act like you’re doing them a favor and expect something in return.