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In-law horror stories!
“One day, we got an out-of-the-blue phone call from my mother-in-law. She was calling to inform us that she’d just decided that her four children were going to chip in and send them on a Caribbean cruise. Our share was going to be $800, preferably paid within the next three days. She wanted to book the trip ASAP.”
“My mother-in-law insists that we celebrate my husband’s and my anniversary with her and gives us a cheesy framed photo of us as a gift.”
“My mother-in-law got my sister-in-law (who’s single) a sexy nightgown for Christmas. She got me (a newlywed) a bathrobe!”
“I am my hubby’s second wife. At our first son’s first birthday party, my in-laws invited his EX-WIFE to the party. So as to make the point that they liked her better. I’m sorry to say that 15 years into our marriage, things are pretty much the same.”
“My first mother-in-law tried to shove my wedding ring down the garbage disposal, getting it all scratched up in the process.”
“I have not met my in-laws yet, I have been married for 3 and a half years. I do know that his mother was pretty angry he got married and broke from tradition and would not talk to him for a MONTH! ”
I’m grateful to say that I don’t have evil in-laws, or parents! But I know plenty of people who do. I know another couple that took their parents on their honeymoon with them…camping.
I’m convinced that many parents see newlyweds and (not purposely) try to degrade/put down/flat-out ruin the new couple’s joy, simply because they’ve lost their own. Maybe they’re having marriage problems, or sin problems, or jealously/bitterness/unforgiveness problems. Whatever they may be, you shouldn’t have to carry that weight as a newly married couple. That’s why the Bible has a great verse about in-laws…LEAVE and CLEAVE baby! Here’s what that might look like for you…
Set some boundaries…no daily calls, no surprise visits, protect your vacations and your bank accounts. Get call display. Lock your doors. Install video surveillance and barbed wire.
Make some rules…decide how often you’ll visit each, how you’ll be fair in visiting each the same, and as a couple agree on your stance regarding certain issues…ie politics, sports, culture, beliefs, etc. No point letting them walk all over you. Also, it’s VERY important to know if you going to name your firstborn after your mother-in-law’s childhood poodle.
Create some space…downstairs ain’t enough. Around the block ain’t enough. For some of you, including James Bond, the world is not enough. Maybe you don’t need to flee the country or even the city, but you need to have the confidence to tell them what’s what.
Your parents and in-laws can make your first year of marriage heaven or hell…if you let them. Graciously lay down the law. It’s your family we’re talking about now.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I like the post Jay. This is a VERY relevant topic to many newlyweds. I totally agree with the bitterness and lost of love, therefore, its our responsibility to be the bigger person. I believe being the bigger person involves the things you said, such as establishing boundaries. I also think being the bigger person involves forgiveness. Our In-Laws are people too. They make mistakes. And their baby getting married is a change for them too. Being quick to forgive and talk about it helps.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:28 am
The whole ‘baby getting married’ thing…maybe what we need is a time of almost like grieving/loss counselling for struggling parents?!