“That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others.  On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell [like a homeless man].  God doesn’t have bad breath.  God doesn’t reward kindness with evil.  God doesn’t make berating comments.  Loving God is easy, in this sense.  But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.

In the marriage context, we absolutely have no excuse.  God lets us choose whom we’re going to love.  Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving?  God doesn’t command us to get married; He offers it to us as an opportunity.  Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God  without loving our spouse as well… Yes, [your] spouse may be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for - to teach us how to love…Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity fo love - to teach you to be a Christian.”

I recently read a book that I recommend to anyone who is married or who is thinking about getting married called “Sacred Marriage - What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us Happy? ” by Gary Thomas which I just quoted above.  Mr. Thomas’s perspective of marriage is more incredible than any I have ever heard before.

As he states in his book he views marriage as the greatest catalyst to becoming more Christ like.  In marriage you have to live very close to another human being and learn to love, respect, honor, and serve them no matter what their actions are toward you.  Those are the very principles that Christ came to this earth to exemplify.  Marriage is a lab in which you get to test it out for yourself.  And apart from these qualities you cannot truly love God.

I was given my copy of “Sacred Marriage” at my wedding shower from my aunt.  After getting married I was looking for insights into how I could be the best wife possible for my new husband so I picked the book up and started to read it.  I put it down as fast as I picked it up.

In the beginning Thomas described the infatuation stage of romance and how it fades.  He described the point of view held by many that getting married will be the thing that ultimately makes them happy and completes them, but that is a false assumption.  He wrote that even though it is hard to admit, spouses will at times feel hate for one another though they are dependent on each other.  The hate word was it for me.  I put the book down, went and talked it over with my new husband telling him that I did not agree with this man.  He didn’t know what he was talking about.  I could never hate the wonderful man  I married.

Four years into our marriage and two kids later I heard Gary Thomas on the radio promoting his new book and he mentioned “Sacred Marriage.”  Everything he said seemed right on point so I decided to go back and give the book another chance.  This time I read it all the way through in 3 days and have never agreed more with a book on marriage than this one.  Kind of funny, huh?!

I still don’t like to use the word hate, but I have been very angry and hurt by my husband.  Though extremely hard at times for me to accept, I know I have made my husband extremely angry and hurt at times too.   We have discovered for ourselves that our spouse cannot complete us and will fail us from time to time.  We now have to work harder than we use to keep romance alive due to responsibilities such as two children, finances, and the many other things that demand our attention.  The infatuation stage has passed, but I think we would both agree that the love we have for one another today is sweeter than anything we experienced in the beginning.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, and God  was gracious in not making it a requirement, but there is nothing else like it.  It is not for the weak at heart, but for those who are determined to learn to be more Christ-like.   Do you love God? Are letting your marriage teach you to be more Christ-like?  Are you striving to love, respect, honor and serve your spouse?

Sarah Brown

(Picture of Sarah and CJ Brown taken by Miguel Ramos)

How many times have we heard couples say, “She wears the pants in the relationship” or “he’s the boss, ask him?”. I think we have all heard this many times or maybe even fall guilty of admitting to saying these as well within our own marriages. But do we ever stop to consider and say, “Christ is our boss in our marriage?”.

The second promise in Dr. Gary Smalley’s book “I Promise You Forever” is based on striving to conform to God’s image in your marriage and to follow all His commands, especially to love and care for your spouse all the days of your life - I promise to be filled by God.

In our wedding vows, we promise to be faithful to our spouse. But by being faithful to our spouse, we need to first be faithful to God. We need to commit to His will, His rules, and His design for relationship behavior. By promising to submit to God’s authority, we assure our spouse that we will not be swayed by our own thoughts or wants. Putting God at the center of your marriage, making Him the foundation, provides your marriage with the most solid security possible.

We often hear the line “You complete me” or “you are the only one who can fill my needs”. We look for that one person who we can spend the rest of our life with to fill our needs and wants. We look to our spouse as our ‘power charge’ to keep us feeling satisfied and complete. Although our spouses can provide us with tremendous amount of support and encouragement, we need to seek God for our strength and happiness. Promise your spouse to be filled with God and to develop a personal connection with Him through having a faith strong in Christ. God made you for a relationship with Himself.

Make it your goal this week or even this month to be filled by God. Consciously work with your spouse to achieve oneness with God and each other. Be filled by God through prayer, attending church together, eating meals together, reading the Bible together. What else can you do to be filled by God in your marriage?