“That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others.  On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell [like a homeless man].  God doesn’t have bad breath.  God doesn’t reward kindness with evil.  God doesn’t make berating comments.  Loving God is easy, in this sense.  But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.

In the marriage context, we absolutely have no excuse.  God lets us choose whom we’re going to love.  Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving?  God doesn’t command us to get married; He offers it to us as an opportunity.  Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God  without loving our spouse as well… Yes, [your] spouse may be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for - to teach us how to love…Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity fo love - to teach you to be a Christian.”

I recently read a book that I recommend to anyone who is married or who is thinking about getting married called “Sacred Marriage - What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us Happy? ” by Gary Thomas which I just quoted above.  Mr. Thomas’s perspective of marriage is more incredible than any I have ever heard before.

As he states in his book he views marriage as the greatest catalyst to becoming more Christ like.  In marriage you have to live very close to another human being and learn to love, respect, honor, and serve them no matter what their actions are toward you.  Those are the very principles that Christ came to this earth to exemplify.  Marriage is a lab in which you get to test it out for yourself.  And apart from these qualities you cannot truly love God.

I was given my copy of “Sacred Marriage” at my wedding shower from my aunt.  After getting married I was looking for insights into how I could be the best wife possible for my new husband so I picked the book up and started to read it.  I put it down as fast as I picked it up.

In the beginning Thomas described the infatuation stage of romance and how it fades.  He described the point of view held by many that getting married will be the thing that ultimately makes them happy and completes them, but that is a false assumption.  He wrote that even though it is hard to admit, spouses will at times feel hate for one another though they are dependent on each other.  The hate word was it for me.  I put the book down, went and talked it over with my new husband telling him that I did not agree with this man.  He didn’t know what he was talking about.  I could never hate the wonderful man  I married.

Four years into our marriage and two kids later I heard Gary Thomas on the radio promoting his new book and he mentioned “Sacred Marriage.”  Everything he said seemed right on point so I decided to go back and give the book another chance.  This time I read it all the way through in 3 days and have never agreed more with a book on marriage than this one.  Kind of funny, huh?!

I still don’t like to use the word hate, but I have been very angry and hurt by my husband.  Though extremely hard at times for me to accept, I know I have made my husband extremely angry and hurt at times too.   We have discovered for ourselves that our spouse cannot complete us and will fail us from time to time.  We now have to work harder than we use to keep romance alive due to responsibilities such as two children, finances, and the many other things that demand our attention.  The infatuation stage has passed, but I think we would both agree that the love we have for one another today is sweeter than anything we experienced in the beginning.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, and God  was gracious in not making it a requirement, but there is nothing else like it.  It is not for the weak at heart, but for those who are determined to learn to be more Christ-like.   Do you love God? Are letting your marriage teach you to be more Christ-like?  Are you striving to love, respect, honor and serve your spouse?

Sarah Brown

(Picture of Sarah and CJ Brown taken by Miguel Ramos)

My husband, C.J.,  is working on his master’s degree in Human Fitness and Performance which is a fancy term for physical fitness.  All that he has left to complete is his project for which he is writing a strength and conditioning manual for firefighters.  He works very hard on his project all the while holding down two jobs and being a wonderful husband and daddy.  He is superman in my eyes.

Three weeks ago for the first time ever in my life I mowed the yard, did all the edging and weed eating, and even trimmed the bushes.  I found I really enjoyed doing the yard work, and I have done it once a week since.

The first week our neighbor saw me doing the yard and told me, “C.J. doesn’t know how good he has got it.”   The second week he complimented my husband for a job well done.  C.J. told our neighbor it had not been him that did the yard, but rather me.  Our neighbor told my husband, “I know you are working on your firefighter manual, but you would make a lot more money if you wrote a manual on how to train your wife.” 

C.J. and I both kind of giggled at his comment, but his wife who was standing right there did not look amused.  If I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have been amused either.

This week as I did the yard I was thinking about our neighbor’s comment.  While I must admit it I did think of his comment as a compliment, I didn’t see what the big deal was about me doing the yard.  When I consider all that C.J. does for our family, taking one extra thing off of him doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.  Besides I was only taking care of our ”field” much like the woman in Proverbs 31.   When I thought about the woman of Proverbs 31 I realized that the manual on how to train your wife has already been written.  It is called the Bible.

The Bible is the manual for all areas of life and the most important book to reference in marriage.  It gives instruction to both man and wife  on how to fulfill their role and love their spouse. 

Are you referencing your manual?  Have you looked to God for ways to show your spouse love?  What have you come up with?  Do you live your life serving your spouse rather than seeking how they can serve you?

Sarah Brown

What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. - James 4:14

We are given but a short time on this earth with which we are to live with purpose knowing what matters most.  We cannot take anything from this life with us to the next, not the possessions we accumulate, not those we love, not even the clothes on our back.  We leave everything behind including the words we spoke and the memories we shared with others.

This week my Uncle Bobby, 58 years of age, passed away.  He contracted swine flu, and it ravaged his body, shutting down his kidneys and filling his lungs with fluid.  His body could no longer oxygenate itself, and it tooks his life.  He left behind a wife, two daughters, and four grandsons.

I was in the room as the doctors and nurses performed CPR trying to revive him.  I witnessed about 15 people working frantically to save his life for about 30 minutes to no avail.  He remained on life support long enough for his wife, daughters and grandchildren to say their goodbyes.  I witnesses this life end and his eternity begin.  Everything from this life was left behind.

Two lessons I have learned from this experience are that you are not promised tomorrow and because of this make sure your time with those you love is lived in love to its fullest.

When I got home from the hospital that night I kissed my husband and went in and kissed my children as they slept.  I thanked God for the blessings they are to me and for the time I have been given with them.  I prayed for wisdom and grace to love them and to make the greatest impact I can in their lives so that they might be certain of the love of Christ through their memories of me.

Despite being to imperfect beings, my husband and I love each other very much, and make it a point to show the other each and every day.  I want to make sure that if something unexpected happened, and I was unable to take my next breathe, he would know beyond a shadow of a doubt what he meant to me.  I want him to know how much God has used him in my life.  I want the things I leave behind in this life such as the words I spoke and the memories I made with him to continue to bless his life.

I ask you to think about the words and memories you are leaving behind.  Are they words to build your spouse up? Are they memories that make them laugh out loud?  Do they speak the love of Christ?

Sarah Brown