Just Married - for couples

Sunny Skies Ahead

Carolyn Noordyn — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 11:51:59 +0000

Looking back over this past year of marriage, my husband and I have had our share of struggles and challenges. It hasn’t been an easy year for us. Things did not work out according to the plan we had made for us.

It took me a few months of going through my own struggles that I realized that I need to simply give all my struggles, doubts, and disappointments to God. My own strength did not help me through the challenges I was facing. One night while doing my devotions I came across this verse: You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in the Lord. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal (Isaiah 26:3 &4). I wanted that peace, I was searching everywhere for it.

My husband recently lost his job - another struggle we are facing together. Although we both acknowledged when this first happened that we need to trust that God is leading us somewhere, it was hard at times (and sometimes still is) for us to believe in what we were saying.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 spoke to John and I – We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not it despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

Marriage is not always sunny skies and perfect weather. God tests our faith and challenges us to a higher place. He is with us and for us, not against us. God does not promise us perfect weather in marriage, but He does promise to walk beside us even in difficult times.

God is faithful, through all of life journeys. God is for us.

Are you filled today with God’s peace through life storms?

~Carolyn

Success in Marriage

Carolyn Noordyn — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:40:32 +0000

This past weekend I heard of another young Christian couple separating after only a few short years of marriage. It breaks my heart to hear this. Married for almost two years myself, I wonder what is going wrong in these marriages. I wonder if my husband and I will be tempted by these situations that are causing marriages to fail. What does make a marriage successful?

Knowledge. Love in a marriage does not guarantee success. It is important for happiness within a marriage, but in the end you need knowledge to succeed. According to Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline”. Although it is important to go to church as a couple and worship together, that does not build success. Success comes from the knowledge we gain from the Bible, learning the biblical principles, the design parameters God Himself established.

A successful marriage hinges on knowledge- knowing and understanding God’s principles. It depends on more than being saved and it takes more than just being in love. God designed marriage for success and with His leadership and counsel as a couple you can make it successful.

Marriage is honorable. God instituted marriage and it is subject to the conditions God has revealed to us in His word. It is of divine origin and God blesses it. What are you doing as a couple today to learn how to make your marriage successful?

- Carolyn

Holy Matrimony

The Browns — Thu, 27 May 2010 16:05:13 +0000

“That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others. On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell [like a homeless man]. God doesn’t have bad breath. God doesn’t reward kindness with evil. God doesn’t make berating comments. Loving God is easy, in this sense. But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.

In the marriage context, we absolutely have no excuse. God lets us choose whom we’re going to love. Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving? God doesn’t command us to get married; He offers it to us as an opportunity. Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God without loving our spouse as well… Yes, [your] spouse may be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for - to teach us how to love…Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity fo love - to teach you to be a Christian.”

I recently read a book that I recommend to anyone who is married or who is thinking about getting married called “Sacred Marriage - What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us Happy? ” by Gary Thomas which I just quoted above. Mr. Thomas’s perspective of marriage is more incredible than any I have ever heard before.

As he states in his book he views marriage as the greatest catalyst to becoming more Christ like. In marriage you have to live very close to another human being and learn to love, respect, honor, and serve them no matter what their actions are toward you. Those are the very principles that Christ came to this earth to exemplify. Marriage is a lab in which you get to test it out for yourself. And apart from these qualities you cannot truly love God.

I was given my copy of “Sacred Marriage” at my wedding shower from my aunt. After getting married I was looking for insights into how I could be the best wife possible for my new husband so I picked the book up and started to read it. I put it down as fast as I picked it up.

In the beginning Thomas described the infatuation stage of romance and how it fades. He described the point of view held by many that getting married will be the thing that ultimately makes them happy and completes them, but that is a false assumption. He wrote that even though it is hard to admit, spouses will at times feel hate for one another though they are dependent on each other. The hate word was it for me. I put the book down, went and talked it over with my new husband telling him that I did not agree with this man. He didn’t know what he was talking about. I could never hate the wonderful man I married.

Four years into our marriage and two kids later I heard Gary Thomas on the radio promoting his new book and he mentioned “Sacred Marriage.” Everything he said seemed right on point so I decided to go back and give the book another chance. This time I read it all the way through in 3 days and have never agreed more with a book on marriage than this one. Kind of funny, huh?!

I still don’t like to use the word hate, but I have been very angry and hurt by my husband. Though extremely hard at times for me to accept, I know I have made my husband extremely angry and hurt at times too. We have discovered for ourselves that our spouse cannot complete us and will fail us from time to time. We now have to work harder than we use to keep romance alive due to responsibilities such as two children, finances, and the many other things that demand our attention. The infatuation stage has passed, but I think we would both agree that the love we have for one another today is sweeter than anything we experienced in the beginning.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, and God was gracious in not making it a requirement, but there is nothing else like it. It is not for the weak at heart, but for those who are determined to learn to be more Christ-like. Do you love God? Are letting your marriage teach you to be more Christ-like? Are you striving to love, respect, honor and serve your spouse?

Sarah Brown

(Picture of Sarah and CJ Brown taken by Miguel Ramos)

Be Filled with God

Carolyn Noordyn — Mon, 03 May 2010 13:39:15 +0000

How many times have we heard couples say, “She wears the pants in the relationship” or “he’s the boss, ask him?”. I think we have all heard this many times or maybe even fall guilty of admitting to saying these as well within our own marriages. But do we ever stop to consider and say, “Christ is our boss in our marriage?”.

The second promise in Dr. Gary Smalley’s book “I Promise You Forever” is based on striving to conform to God’s image in your marriage and to follow all His commands, especially to love and care for your spouse all the days of your life - I promise to be filled by God.

In our wedding vows, we promise to be faithful to our spouse. But by being faithful to our spouse, we need to first be faithful to God. We need to commit to His will, His rules, and His design for relationship behavior. By promising to submit to God’s authority, we assure our spouse that we will not be swayed by our own thoughts or wants. Putting God at the center of your marriage, making Him the foundation, provides your marriage with the most solid security possible.

We often hear the line “You complete me” or “you are the only one who can fill my needs”. We look for that one person who we can spend the rest of our life with to fill our needs and wants. We look to our spouse as our ‘power charge’ to keep us feeling satisfied and complete. Although our spouses can provide us with tremendous amount of support and encouragement, we need to seek God for our strength and happiness. Promise your spouse to be filled with God and to develop a personal connection with Him through having a faith strong in Christ. God made you for a relationship with Himself.

Make it your goal this week or even this month to be filled by God. Consciously work with your spouse to achieve oneness with God and each other. Be filled by God through prayer, attending church together, eating meals together, reading the Bible together. What else can you do to be filled by God in your marriage?

A Lesson From Paul

The Tompkins — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 10:00:10 +0000

It is the wedding day and all the guests eyes are on the bride and the groom standing on the altar, side by side exchanging vows. Mike and I see this as a symbol of unity and faithfulness.

Paul wrote letters to the Philippians to thank them and strengthen believers by showing them that true joy comes from Jesus Christ alone. He was an excellent communicator with a beautiful servants heart. Mike and I admire Paul’s purpose in life as it was to speak out boldly for Christ and to daily become more like him. In a marriage you need to be excellent communicators and have servant hearts just like Paul did to the church. Mike and I have found in our marriage that if you are not standing side by side, then you are asking for selfishness and pride to creep in.

“Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people’s trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they’re up against…” - Philippians 1:27-28 (The Message)

Standing together in your marriage unified as one will empower you both to defend against sin.

Are you communicating well with your spouse? Are you serving your spouse? Are you standing side by side in your marriage?

-KT & MT

Careful- Your Love is Showing

How To Train Your Wife

The Browns — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 15:18:36 +0000

My husband, C.J., is working on his master’s degree in Human Fitness and Performance which is a fancy term for physical fitness. All that he has left to complete is his project for which he is writing a strength and conditioning manual for firefighters. He works very hard on his project all the while holding down two jobs and being a wonderful husband and daddy. He is superman in my eyes.

Three weeks ago for the first time ever in my life I mowed the yard, did all the edging and weed eating, and even trimmed the bushes. I found I really enjoyed doing the yard work, and I have done it once a week since.

The first week our neighbor saw me doing the yard and told me, “C.J. doesn’t know how good he has got it.” The second week he complimented my husband for a job well done. C.J. told our neighbor it had not been him that did the yard, but rather me. Our neighbor told my husband, “I know you are working on your firefighter manual, but you would make a lot more money if you wrote a manual on how to train your wife.”

C.J. and I both kind of giggled at his comment, but his wife who was standing right there did not look amused. If I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have been amused either.

This week as I did the yard I was thinking about our neighbor’s comment. While I must admit it I did think of his comment as a compliment, I didn’t see what the big deal was about me doing the yard. When I consider all that C.J. does for our family, taking one extra thing off of him doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Besides I was only taking care of our ”field” much like the woman in Proverbs 31. When I thought about the woman of Proverbs 31 I realized that the manual on how to train your wife has already been written. It is called the Bible.

The Bible is the manual for all areas of life and the most important book to reference in marriage. It gives instruction to both man and wife on how to fulfill their role and love their spouse.

Are you referencing your manual? Have you looked to God for ways to show your spouse love? What have you come up with? Do you live your life serving your spouse rather than seeking how they can serve you?

Sarah Brown

I promise….

Carolyn Noordyn — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 12:05:30 +0000

One of the gifts my husband John and I were given for our wedding was a small book about marriage. At first it ended up being more of a “coffee table book”, sitting on the table in our living room without really be opened or read. One day I finally pick it up and read it through from beginning to end. This book is called “I Promise You Forever” written by Dr. Gary Smalley. He goes through 30 promises to make in your marriage that fall under 5 commitments.

The first commitment: I promise to conform my beliefs to God’s truth

Honor- A simple word, seems like an easy thing to do. But if we are constantly looking at our spouse’s shortcomings, are we truly honoring them? We need to remember we are all made in God’s image. God sees both you and your spouse as precious and valuable because He sees the worth he has built within each of us. Honor is not earned – it is a gift.

Do you remember how you felt when you first met your spouse? Do you still feel the same now that you are married? How did Adam feel when God brought him his new companion Eve? Remember that you have received a treasure of unfathomable worth and always promise to remember your first love!

Promise your spouse that you remember that they are God’s gift to you. Look at the good and honorable in your spouse and find the glory God has instilled in each of you.

Choose to honor your spouse outside of your emotional climate. If you do not see your spouse as a priceless treasure, you will tend to focus on negative actions. As the Apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:8, “Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things”. Think of the good qualities in your spouse and honor will flow.

Finally, promise to install an emotional security system for your marriage. Create an emotional security in your marriage where you can grow together. Make it a place where you can truly open up to one another at an intimate level without fear of being blamed, criticized, judged or condemned. Make your marriage feel like the safest place on earth.

What can you do today to show honor to your spouse?

~ Carolyn

Life is a Mist

The Browns — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:26:02 +0000

What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. - James 4:14

We are given but a short time on this earth with which we are to live with purpose knowing what matters most. We cannot take anything from this life with us to the next, not the possessions we accumulate, not those we love, not even the clothes on our back. We leave everything behind including the words we spoke and the memories we shared with others.

This week my Uncle Bobby, 58 years of age, passed away. He contracted swine flu, and it ravaged his body, shutting down his kidneys and filling his lungs with fluid. His body could no longer oxygenate itself, and it tooks his life. He left behind a wife, two daughters, and four grandsons.

I was in the room as the doctors and nurses performed CPR trying to revive him. I witnessed about 15 people working frantically to save his life for about 30 minutes to no avail. He remained on life support long enough for his wife, daughters and grandchildren to say their goodbyes. I witnesses this life end and his eternity begin. Everything from this life was left behind.

Two lessons I have learned from this experience are that you are not promised tomorrow and because of this make sure your time with those you love is lived in love to its fullest.

When I got home from the hospital that night I kissed my husband and went in and kissed my children as they slept. I thanked God for the blessings they are to me and for the time I have been given with them. I prayed for wisdom and grace to love them and to make the greatest impact I can in their lives so that they might be certain of the love of Christ through their memories of me.

Despite being to imperfect beings, my husband and I love each other very much, and make it a point to show the other each and every day. I want to make sure that if something unexpected happened, and I was unable to take my next breathe, he would know beyond a shadow of a doubt what he meant to me. I want him to know how much God has used him in my life. I want the things I leave behind in this life such as the words I spoke and the memories I made with him to continue to bless his life.

I ask you to think about the words and memories you are leaving behind. Are they words to build your spouse up? Are they memories that make them laugh out loud? Do they speak the love of Christ?

Sarah Brown

We Make Love

The Tompkins — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 12:00:26 +0000

My name is Kayla and I work for Compassion Canada. My husband’s name is Mike and he is a Music Producer/Engineer; Together we are Mr. and Mrs. Tompkins!

Mike and I travel quite often for our jobs, which separates us for short periods of time. Some jaded older couples tell us that it is a “Blessing in disguise” to have jobs that let you travel separately. Mike and I have been married for almost 2 years and couldn’t disagree more!

When we travel we have iPhones, BlackBerrys, Facebook and Skype to keep us connected. When we were dating we started something that we have carried on into our marriage, and that is to write a love letter to each other when we travel. These letters hold secrets, desires and jokes too! These letters mean more then just words as they are a reminder of how much we love each other.

God left us the greatest love letter of all in the Bible. The Bible is filled with secrets, desires and definitely some jokes too, but most all these letters and notes were to remind us of His devotion and unconditional love for us.

Remaining in prayer and in the word will keep us connected to Him, just like our love letters and technology does for Mike and I.

Two of our favourite “love notes” from God are:

“Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.”- Hebrews 13:5

“So do not fear for I am with you; Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10

How will you connect with Him this week? -He is eagerly awaiting…

-KT & MT

Love L.e.t.t.e.r.s.

“Do it now before you have children…”

Jay Brock — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:19:18 +0000

We often hear this phrase when we tell people about our travels. People go on to explain how once you have children you have to settle down, and how they stopped doing things when they had kids. This way of thinking always rubbed us the wrong way. And yesterday we had the privilege of meeting a couple from the States that has been an inspiration to us.

Noam and Anna are travelling around the world with a one-year-old baby, and get this: they only have one traveller´s backpack and one smaller backpack to carry stuff for all three of them. The baby is healthy and happy, and sleeps well during nap times wherever they might be at that moment. Noam said something that I think is so true: many people hide behind their kids because they lack the courage to do what they want to do. Anna told us that instead of the baby being a hindrance to their dreams, he was an inspiration for them to fulfill them. I think this child will grow up with some great role models.

I’m not saying that backpacking with a kids is for everyone. But I think Noam and Anna can serve as reminders for us that we should not stop dreaming and doing things we want to do (and more importantly, being open to what God might want us to do) because we have kids. When a child sees their parents passionate and excited about life, it will motivate them to be passionate and excited as well. What a great legacy that is!

A good question to think about today is this: what are we hiding behind because we lack courage? And how can we change our mindset so we can prepare ourselves for being the best parents we can be?

Michelle