One day many months ago, after Jay and Michelle were married they decided to accompany me and Tabitha in a double date consisting of dinner and a movie. I forget what the conversation was, or how we even talked about the subject, but all I remember is Jay saying “I’m the only one who will take out the garbage. I`m not letting Michelle`s pretty hands touch the stuff!”

Not only until recently did I truly understand: Women want to feel like they are looked after, and that`s what Jay was doing with those particular actions. My wife also wants me to take care of her. She has a very large mothering side, but she has a desire for me to take care of her and make her feel protected.

I realize now this is in the smallest of things. This includes walking on the car side of the sidewalk, opening doors for her, unlocking her side of the car first, doing the dishes, the garbage … and the list goes on. Don`t be mistaken … I`m not depended on to do these things. It`s not like I`m a slave at her every whim. She doesn`t abuse me this way. She has done dishes, and recycling, and vacuuming. But she likes it when I do it for her.

So, how can you take care of your significant other? Start with the little things … she will be grateful. It will make her feel loved, pursued, and cherished. Well worth the investment of your time.

Make your spouse feel loved deeply.
Make them feel desired infinitely.
Cherish each other intimately.

Aaron

(I’m bad!  FYI, I am NOT preaching at TomKat…they just came to mind as I finished writing this post.  As usual, this post was written as a message to myself. And maybe, if you so choose, for you as well.)

• You can’t control your spouse.
• You can’t change your spouse.

• God can’t control your spouse.
• God can’t change your spouse.

• Only your spouse can control your spouse.
• Only your spouse can let God change your spouse.

Both of you must choose to make it work.  Both of you must submit to God.  Both of you must give up trying to control and change the other person.

Rather than focus on all the negatives, take the few positives and celebrate them immensely.  Find excuses to love your spouse unconditionally.  Hopefully, your love will compel them to put God in control and let him be the change maker.

Jay

(It’s called a ‘Jail Cell’)

I can honestly say that one of the top three things in life that bugs me is this:  People who settle for safety.

Here’s what I mean by that:  they go to school and get a degree in an area with lots of jobs.  They then get one of those jobs.  They then work full time, overtime, double time, all the time…in order to ‘get ahead.’  The daily grind becomes their life.  They skip sick days, bank vacation days, work holidays.  They put their money in a ’safe’ investment account.  They live for the weekends.  They can’t wait for retirement.

They defer life.

The problems with this scenario are many.

1. If you do something long enough, you eventually forget how to relax and enjoy your time.
2. If you don’t pursue your dreams, you’ll never fulfill your dreams.
3. If you don’t follow God’s leadings and calling, you’ll never fulfill the purposes for which you were created.

That and the fact that you could die at any moment.  Life is waiting for you NOW.

• No, you don’t need to slave 50 years to get there.
• No, you don’t have to sell your time in exchange for your dollars.
• No, you don’t have to live someone else’s dream.

Don’t misunderstand me…

• Yes, you need to provide for your family.
• Yes, you need to live debt-free.
• Yes, you should save something for retirement.

It’s just that most couples and families are slaves to money and chained to their jobs.  They live for someone else, and that person is rarely Jesus.

I’m looking for stories.  Stories of couples who’ve decided to forsake this way of living in search of another- of freedom to CHOOSE.  Of the living ability to chase after God’s dream for their life.  And hopefully, find provision in Him.

Can we live like this?  Could you live like this?  When?

Jay

(sorry girls, I couldn’t resist!)

Hi Lovebirds!

(not that I have any right, but) today I’d like to talk about “a woman’s place in the home.”

(here’s where you’d expect me to drop in a funny line about dishes, laundry, cooking, and babymaking…I won’t, however, because I rather enjoy cooking;)

Michelle and I talked briefly with our neighbours about this issue over dinner last night.

I think the first and fundamental flaw with even talking about this subject is, in fact, how we’ve set up the debate.  What I mean is- who is to say that a woman’s place is even IN the home? Where in the Bible does it say, “women, thou shalt not leavest thine domicile.” So let’s revise it- today I’d like to talk about “a woman’s place in the home, the marriage, and in life.” There, that’s a little more holistic, isn’t it?!

1. A woman’s place in the home.

If we look at the Proverbs 31 women, it’s looks to me like this highly-entrepreneurial lady actually supported her husband work as a minister in town.

Here’s what I think:  Gender roles will never change, but gender chores are always open for debate.  A father should always be striving to look like Jesus and servant-lead his family in a humble way.  A mother should always be striving to cherish and nurture and love on her children.  Vacuuming is a bisexual activity.

2. A woman’s place in them marriage.

Sex and support right?  You’re dead! Yes, a wife is the submit to her husband and support him.  But I don’t think this is a blind, “oh I’ll let my man take care of everything.”  A wife’s duty is to be seeking God’s will and keeping her husband accountable to do the same.  Wives will truly honor their husbands when they start expecting a higher quality and standard of spiritual leadership in their own home.  My wife has always told me, “baby, I’m not here to change you, I’m here to shape you!”

3. A woman’s place in life.

A woman, like every other thing that God created, should seek to become a success.  A success based on this definition from John Maxwell: “to do the best she can with what she’s got from where she is.“  A woman’s place in life is to bring glory to God by becoming HER.  Be becoming all that God created her to become.

So that’s my thinking when it comes to ‘a woman’s place in the home.’  I think a woman’s place in life is in the circles of influence in which God placed her to be a driving force for His kingdom of love.

Jay

What would you add?  What do you totally disagree with?  What’s a woman’s place?

“Stay with the prostitute.”

That has got to be the WORST command that God ever gave to a man.

The man was Hosea, a prophet of the Lord.  God tells him to marry a lady of the night, a promiscuous woman named Gomer.  And God even tells Hosea- “dude- she ain’t gonna stop cheating neither.  But stay with her.”

So, Hosea obeys, and marries Gomer.  She very quickly goes back to her old lifestyle.  Hosea brings her back again and again.  Eventually, he outright BUYS her back.

WHY THE HECK WOULD ANY MAN GO THROUGH SUCH A HEARTBREAKING ORDEAL?!!!

Two reasons:

Hosea and Gomer’s relationship were to serve as a picture for the people of Israel.  Here is the Billy Graham or the Rick Warren of the people of Israel…married to a cheating hooker.  And yet he lovingly and graciously and patiently remains faithful despite all her wickedness.  That’s how Israel was treating God.  And they felt it in a very real way as they watched their spiritual leader endure such pain.  That’s how we treat God.  Yet He loves us and remains faithful to this day.

Hosea and Gomer’s relationship serves as a model for us to follow.  DON’T BAIL.  Marriage isn’t like a cell phone or a car that you just replace when you’re bored or when it gets old.  Don’t cheat.  Don’t quit.  Never give up.  And don’t stop forgiving either.  Forgive. Endure. Embrace.  Take back.  Buy back.  Lay hold of the claim which you previously staked.  With God’s anointing, the two of you will get through anything.

Jay