This past weekend I heard of another young Christian couple separating after only a few short years of marriage. It breaks my heart to hear this. Married for almost two years myself, I wonder what is going wrong in these marriages. I wonder if my husband and I will be tempted by these situations that are causing marriages to fail. What does make a marriage successful?

Knowledge. Love in a marriage does not guarantee success. It is important for happiness within a marriage, but in the end you need knowledge to succeed. According to Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline”. Although it is important to go to church as a couple and worship together, that does not build success. Success comes from the knowledge we gain from the Bible, learning the biblical principles, the design parameters God Himself established.

A successful marriage hinges on knowledge- knowing and understanding God’s principles. It depends on more than being saved and it takes more than just being in love. God designed marriage for success and with His leadership and counsel as a couple you can make it successful.

Marriage is honorable. God instituted marriage and it is subject to the conditions God has revealed to us in His word. It is of divine origin and God blesses it. What are you doing as a couple today to learn how to make your marriage successful?

- Carolyn

My husband, C.J.,  is working on his master’s degree in Human Fitness and Performance which is a fancy term for physical fitness.  All that he has left to complete is his project for which he is writing a strength and conditioning manual for firefighters.  He works very hard on his project all the while holding down two jobs and being a wonderful husband and daddy.  He is superman in my eyes.

Three weeks ago for the first time ever in my life I mowed the yard, did all the edging and weed eating, and even trimmed the bushes.  I found I really enjoyed doing the yard work, and I have done it once a week since.

The first week our neighbor saw me doing the yard and told me, “C.J. doesn’t know how good he has got it.”   The second week he complimented my husband for a job well done.  C.J. told our neighbor it had not been him that did the yard, but rather me.  Our neighbor told my husband, “I know you are working on your firefighter manual, but you would make a lot more money if you wrote a manual on how to train your wife.” 

C.J. and I both kind of giggled at his comment, but his wife who was standing right there did not look amused.  If I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have been amused either.

This week as I did the yard I was thinking about our neighbor’s comment.  While I must admit it I did think of his comment as a compliment, I didn’t see what the big deal was about me doing the yard.  When I consider all that C.J. does for our family, taking one extra thing off of him doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.  Besides I was only taking care of our ”field” much like the woman in Proverbs 31.   When I thought about the woman of Proverbs 31 I realized that the manual on how to train your wife has already been written.  It is called the Bible.

The Bible is the manual for all areas of life and the most important book to reference in marriage.  It gives instruction to both man and wife  on how to fulfill their role and love their spouse. 

Are you referencing your manual?  Have you looked to God for ways to show your spouse love?  What have you come up with?  Do you live your life serving your spouse rather than seeking how they can serve you?

Sarah Brown

My name is Kayla and I work for Compassion Canada. My husband’s name is Mike and he is a Music Producer/Engineer; Together we are Mr. and Mrs. Tompkins!

Mike and I travel quite often for our jobs, which separates us for short periods of time. Some jaded older couples tell us that it is a “Blessing in disguise” to have jobs that let you travel separately. Mike and I have been married for almost 2 years and couldn’t disagree more!

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“One day, we got an out-of-the-blue phone call from my mother-in-law. She was calling to inform us that she’d just decided that her four children were going to chip in and send them on a Caribbean cruise. Our share was going to be $800, preferably paid within the next three days. She wanted to book the trip ASAP.”

“I have not met my in-laws yet, I have been married for 3 and a half years.  I do know that his mother was pretty angry he got married and broke from tradition and would not talk to him for a MONTH! ”

I’m grateful to say that I don’t have evil in-laws, or parents!  But I know plenty of people who do. I know another couple that took their parents on their honeymoon with them…camping.

I’m convinced that many parents see newlyweds and (not purposely) try to degrade/put down/flat-out ruin the new couple’s joy, simply because they’ve lost their own.  Maybe they’re having marriage problems, or sin problems, or jealously/bitterness/unforgiveness problems.  Whatever they may be, you shouldn’t have to carry that weight as a newly married couple.  That’s why the Bible has a great verse about in-laws…LEAVE and CLEAVE baby!  Here’s what that might look like for you…

Set some boundaries…no daily calls, no surprise visits, protect your vacations and your bank accounts.  Get call display.  Lock your doors.  Install video surveillance and barbed wire.

Make some rules…decide how often you’ll visit each, how you’ll be fair in visiting each the same, and as a couple agree on your stance regarding certain issues…ie politics, sports, culture, beliefs, etc.  No point letting them walk all over you.  Also, it’s VERY important to know if you going to name your firstborn after your mother-in-law’s childhood poodle.

Create some space…downstairs ain’t enough.  Around the block ain’t enough. For some of you, including James Bond, the world is not enough.  Maybe you don’t need to flee the country or even the city, but you need to have the confidence to tell them what’s what.

Your parents and in-laws can make your first year of marriage heaven or hell…if you let them.  Graciously lay down the law.  It’s your family we’re talking about now.