This past weekend I heard of another young Christian couple separating after only a few short years of marriage. It breaks my heart to hear this. Married for almost two years myself, I wonder what is going wrong in these marriages. I wonder if my husband and I will be tempted by these situations that are causing marriages to fail. What does make a marriage successful?

Knowledge. Love in a marriage does not guarantee success. It is important for happiness within a marriage, but in the end you need knowledge to succeed. According to Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline”. Although it is important to go to church as a couple and worship together, that does not build success. Success comes from the knowledge we gain from the Bible, learning the biblical principles, the design parameters God Himself established.

A successful marriage hinges on knowledge- knowing and understanding God’s principles. It depends on more than being saved and it takes more than just being in love. God designed marriage for success and with His leadership and counsel as a couple you can make it successful.

Marriage is honorable. God instituted marriage and it is subject to the conditions God has revealed to us in His word. It is of divine origin and God blesses it. What are you doing as a couple today to learn how to make your marriage successful?

- Carolyn

I’ve been thinking up some of the ways I could ruin my marriage.  Here’s the list:
-burn all her clothes
-put down her parents
-start treating her poorly
-throw out her books and pictures
-verbally tear apart her friends
-ignore her when my friends are around
-leave without telling her where I’m going
-stay out until all hours of the night

But there’s one way that would destroy it completely: make my marriage all about me.

Selfishness is the poison in love’s pond.
Self-centredness is the arsenic in the water.

Selflessness is the antidote.

I don’t even know if I should ask that question.  It’s a hard question.  I was thinking about my closest friends this week.  There are about 12 of us couples who live in the Hamilton area.  All newly married.  All happy.  For the moment. But if the stats prove true, more than half of us will end our commitments prematurely.

I look around and (even though maybe I shouldn’t) ask, “who will get divorced first?”  Will it be an affair?  A mutual thing?  Will he do it or will she do it?  Will it be a series of ups and downs?  One massive fight?  Will it make
all the friends choose sides?  Will one of the dudes move in with us?  Will they both move back home to their parents?  What about church?  Friend functions?

One of my cousins…every single woman in her wedding party is now separated.  I’ve seen the mess it causes in children, having watched the slow divorce of a young couple in a church I once attended.

Not only do we need to avoid divorce, we need to steer a wide path away from bad marriages.  It’s not enough to just be ’safe’.  We need to have awesome marriages.  And I think this is a group effort.  Here are three very important keys to ’staying happily put’!

Relationship with God.  Stop fooling yourself.  A marriage without Jesus is like a PB&J without bread…there’s nothing to hold it together.  Proverbs 13 “A God-loyal life keeps you on track….sin dumps the wicked in the ditch.” Don’t get pitched- get right with God.

Community. It’s alot harder to let your marriage fall apart when you’re constantly surrounded by other couples trying to pursue God.  Someone is bound to notice.  Someone will call you to account.  I’m grateful for each the friends I have with the Boldness And Loving Leadership to ask how things are REALLY going.  Proverbs 13: 20 “Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces”. You get like the people by which you intentionally surround yourself.

A willingness to get right. I hang around with certain couples and see certain interactions and think ‘boy, I sure hope that doesn’t get worse.‘  I’m sure others think the same of me!  “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself;
  but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” God had no use for a fool, and neither does this earth- expect when an example is needed to be made.  Only a headcase refuses to learn and grow from others.  Get there.

Get right with God.  Get in community.  Get right with people.  Don’t become a stat.  Don’t become a first.

And if you must be the first, be the first community to be jam-pack-filled with God-centred, passionate, I-love-you-so-much-I-want-to-scream marriages.

Any other ideas on how we can be divorce-free communities?  And more importantly- how do we become communities full of godly, worship-filled relationships?

Hi Lovebirds!  How was your weekend?!  Did you take time to bookend your days?  Have you been having your daily dose?!

(thanks to Tony Morgan for this video)

Do you remember your wedding vows?

“What?!  Word for word?  You must be crazy!”

Nope.

Not with half of marriages ending in divorce. Not with the majority of the rest ending even worse- stuck in monogamous, married misery. If we stayed true to the vows we made, we wouldn’t be experiencing the problems we’re having right now.

Couples- think of people you know that are on the brink or are already divorced. What promises did they make at the altar? What covenant did they commit themselves to? What vows did they solemnly take before God and these witnesses?

Now which ones did they fall through on? Which vows did they never come close to achieving? Did they ACTUALLY take their covenant seriously? Do you? Are you fulfilling the promises you made to the one you love? Or have you forgotten already? (I confess, I’m here)

Maybe the reason people get divorced isn’t because it “just wasn’t working out”…
Maybe its because we let the other person down.
Maybe it’s that we aren’t good at keeping promises.
Maybe it’s because we have forgotten the promises we made.

Re-read your vows. Keep your promises.

I’m gonna go read my vows now…

Jay