“That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others.  On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell [like a homeless man].  God doesn’t have bad breath.  God doesn’t reward kindness with evil.  God doesn’t make berating comments.  Loving God is easy, in this sense.  But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.

In the marriage context, we absolutely have no excuse.  God lets us choose whom we’re going to love.  Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving?  God doesn’t command us to get married; He offers it to us as an opportunity.  Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God  without loving our spouse as well… Yes, [your] spouse may be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for - to teach us how to love…Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity fo love - to teach you to be a Christian.”

I recently read a book that I recommend to anyone who is married or who is thinking about getting married called “Sacred Marriage - What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us Happy? ” by Gary Thomas which I just quoted above.  Mr. Thomas’s perspective of marriage is more incredible than any I have ever heard before.

As he states in his book he views marriage as the greatest catalyst to becoming more Christ like.  In marriage you have to live very close to another human being and learn to love, respect, honor, and serve them no matter what their actions are toward you.  Those are the very principles that Christ came to this earth to exemplify.  Marriage is a lab in which you get to test it out for yourself.  And apart from these qualities you cannot truly love God.

I was given my copy of “Sacred Marriage” at my wedding shower from my aunt.  After getting married I was looking for insights into how I could be the best wife possible for my new husband so I picked the book up and started to read it.  I put it down as fast as I picked it up.

In the beginning Thomas described the infatuation stage of romance and how it fades.  He described the point of view held by many that getting married will be the thing that ultimately makes them happy and completes them, but that is a false assumption.  He wrote that even though it is hard to admit, spouses will at times feel hate for one another though they are dependent on each other.  The hate word was it for me.  I put the book down, went and talked it over with my new husband telling him that I did not agree with this man.  He didn’t know what he was talking about.  I could never hate the wonderful man  I married.

Four years into our marriage and two kids later I heard Gary Thomas on the radio promoting his new book and he mentioned “Sacred Marriage.”  Everything he said seemed right on point so I decided to go back and give the book another chance.  This time I read it all the way through in 3 days and have never agreed more with a book on marriage than this one.  Kind of funny, huh?!

I still don’t like to use the word hate, but I have been very angry and hurt by my husband.  Though extremely hard at times for me to accept, I know I have made my husband extremely angry and hurt at times too.   We have discovered for ourselves that our spouse cannot complete us and will fail us from time to time.  We now have to work harder than we use to keep romance alive due to responsibilities such as two children, finances, and the many other things that demand our attention.  The infatuation stage has passed, but I think we would both agree that the love we have for one another today is sweeter than anything we experienced in the beginning.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, and God  was gracious in not making it a requirement, but there is nothing else like it.  It is not for the weak at heart, but for those who are determined to learn to be more Christ-like.   Do you love God? Are letting your marriage teach you to be more Christ-like?  Are you striving to love, respect, honor and serve your spouse?

Sarah Brown

(Picture of Sarah and CJ Brown taken by Miguel Ramos)

Hopefully she has a better landing…

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then distance makes the love grow stronger.

My wife left for Florida on Friday at 5am.  She returns tonight past midnight.  I miss her DEARLY!

I miss her smell. I miss talking to her and cuddling in bed.  I miss meals together and playing squash and singing and laughing. I even miss fighting.

Time apart is great.  And necessary.  But coming back together… amazing.  I think it’s a small glimpse, a small picture, of God’s longing and desire to be with us, no matter how far or long we’ve gone.

Like the prodigal son returning home.

Like teenage Jesus returning to Mary and Joseph.

Like Christ returning to His Father.

Like us, returning to Him.

If your marriage is full, it should never have to spill out.

NOTHING can guarantee a divorce-free marriage.  But a highly fulfilling, God-centred, others-centred, full-of-life marriage is a GREAT safeguard.

If you’re regularly having sex, who needs a mistress or another partner or a hooker?

If you’re working together to make your house a home, why would you go looking for an affair?

If you spend quality time together, then who needs that co-worker?

If you have fun together, travel together, play together, adventure together…why look for another playmate?

If you have a great community of friends, why would you try to start fresh?

If you were have great conversations with your spouse, why would you ‘just need someone to talk to?’

If you love your family and in-laws, why go after another set?

If you’re helping each other grow deeper in your relationship with Jesus, why would you want another spiritual partner?

What this might mean is that we need to start having sex more.  Helping out around the house more. Spending quality time together more. Traveling more.  Playing more.  Talking more.  Playing sports more.  Doing fun things more.  Going on adventures more. Spend more time with your family and your in-laws.  Spend more time with your friends.  Spend more time with Jesus together.

Here’s the main point- GET FILLED.  Be so fulfilled in your cord-of-three-strands marriage that you never turn away.

Do it for your marriage ya’ll.

Jay

I tore this straight off Mark Batterson’s blog:

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven will pause to say, ‘There lived a great street sweeper who did his job well’.” -Martin Luther King Jr.-

Reminds me of Ecclesiastes 9:10…whatever you find to do, do it with all your might.

I re-wrote MLK’s quote for my marriage:

If a man is called to be a husband, he should love even as Jesus loved the church, serve as Mother Theresa did the poor, and cherish as the shepherd does his sheep.

I’m going to try to live like that this weekend with my wife.