“That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others.  On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell [like a homeless man].  God doesn’t have bad breath.  God doesn’t reward kindness with evil.  God doesn’t make berating comments.  Loving God is easy, in this sense.  But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.

In the marriage context, we absolutely have no excuse.  God lets us choose whom we’re going to love.  Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving?  God doesn’t command us to get married; He offers it to us as an opportunity.  Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God  without loving our spouse as well… Yes, [your] spouse may be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for - to teach us how to love…Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity fo love - to teach you to be a Christian.”

I recently read a book that I recommend to anyone who is married or who is thinking about getting married called “Sacred Marriage - What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us Happy? ” by Gary Thomas which I just quoted above.  Mr. Thomas’s perspective of marriage is more incredible than any I have ever heard before.

As he states in his book he views marriage as the greatest catalyst to becoming more Christ like.  In marriage you have to live very close to another human being and learn to love, respect, honor, and serve them no matter what their actions are toward you.  Those are the very principles that Christ came to this earth to exemplify.  Marriage is a lab in which you get to test it out for yourself.  And apart from these qualities you cannot truly love God.

I was given my copy of “Sacred Marriage” at my wedding shower from my aunt.  After getting married I was looking for insights into how I could be the best wife possible for my new husband so I picked the book up and started to read it.  I put it down as fast as I picked it up.

In the beginning Thomas described the infatuation stage of romance and how it fades.  He described the point of view held by many that getting married will be the thing that ultimately makes them happy and completes them, but that is a false assumption.  He wrote that even though it is hard to admit, spouses will at times feel hate for one another though they are dependent on each other.  The hate word was it for me.  I put the book down, went and talked it over with my new husband telling him that I did not agree with this man.  He didn’t know what he was talking about.  I could never hate the wonderful man  I married.

Four years into our marriage and two kids later I heard Gary Thomas on the radio promoting his new book and he mentioned “Sacred Marriage.”  Everything he said seemed right on point so I decided to go back and give the book another chance.  This time I read it all the way through in 3 days and have never agreed more with a book on marriage than this one.  Kind of funny, huh?!

I still don’t like to use the word hate, but I have been very angry and hurt by my husband.  Though extremely hard at times for me to accept, I know I have made my husband extremely angry and hurt at times too.   We have discovered for ourselves that our spouse cannot complete us and will fail us from time to time.  We now have to work harder than we use to keep romance alive due to responsibilities such as two children, finances, and the many other things that demand our attention.  The infatuation stage has passed, but I think we would both agree that the love we have for one another today is sweeter than anything we experienced in the beginning.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, and God  was gracious in not making it a requirement, but there is nothing else like it.  It is not for the weak at heart, but for those who are determined to learn to be more Christ-like.   Do you love God? Are letting your marriage teach you to be more Christ-like?  Are you striving to love, respect, honor and serve your spouse?

Sarah Brown

(Picture of Sarah and CJ Brown taken by Miguel Ramos)

What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. - James 4:14

We are given but a short time on this earth with which we are to live with purpose knowing what matters most.  We cannot take anything from this life with us to the next, not the possessions we accumulate, not those we love, not even the clothes on our back.  We leave everything behind including the words we spoke and the memories we shared with others.

This week my Uncle Bobby, 58 years of age, passed away.  He contracted swine flu, and it ravaged his body, shutting down his kidneys and filling his lungs with fluid.  His body could no longer oxygenate itself, and it tooks his life.  He left behind a wife, two daughters, and four grandsons.

I was in the room as the doctors and nurses performed CPR trying to revive him.  I witnessed about 15 people working frantically to save his life for about 30 minutes to no avail.  He remained on life support long enough for his wife, daughters and grandchildren to say their goodbyes.  I witnesses this life end and his eternity begin.  Everything from this life was left behind.

Two lessons I have learned from this experience are that you are not promised tomorrow and because of this make sure your time with those you love is lived in love to its fullest.

When I got home from the hospital that night I kissed my husband and went in and kissed my children as they slept.  I thanked God for the blessings they are to me and for the time I have been given with them.  I prayed for wisdom and grace to love them and to make the greatest impact I can in their lives so that they might be certain of the love of Christ through their memories of me.

Despite being to imperfect beings, my husband and I love each other very much, and make it a point to show the other each and every day.  I want to make sure that if something unexpected happened, and I was unable to take my next breathe, he would know beyond a shadow of a doubt what he meant to me.  I want him to know how much God has used him in my life.  I want the things I leave behind in this life such as the words I spoke and the memories I made with him to continue to bless his life.

I ask you to think about the words and memories you are leaving behind.  Are they words to build your spouse up? Are they memories that make them laugh out loud?  Do they speak the love of Christ?

Sarah Brown

One day many months ago, after Jay and Michelle were married they decided to accompany me and Tabitha in a double date consisting of dinner and a movie. I forget what the conversation was, or how we even talked about the subject, but all I remember is Jay saying “I’m the only one who will take out the garbage. I`m not letting Michelle`s pretty hands touch the stuff!”

Not only until recently did I truly understand: Women want to feel like they are looked after, and that`s what Jay was doing with those particular actions. My wife also wants me to take care of her. She has a very large mothering side, but she has a desire for me to take care of her and make her feel protected.

I realize now this is in the smallest of things. This includes walking on the car side of the sidewalk, opening doors for her, unlocking her side of the car first, doing the dishes, the garbage … and the list goes on. Don`t be mistaken … I`m not depended on to do these things. It`s not like I`m a slave at her every whim. She doesn`t abuse me this way. She has done dishes, and recycling, and vacuuming. But she likes it when I do it for her.

So, how can you take care of your significant other? Start with the little things … she will be grateful. It will make her feel loved, pursued, and cherished. Well worth the investment of your time.

Make your spouse feel loved deeply.
Make them feel desired infinitely.
Cherish each other intimately.

Aaron

(I’m bad!  FYI, I am NOT preaching at TomKat…they just came to mind as I finished writing this post.  As usual, this post was written as a message to myself. And maybe, if you so choose, for you as well.)

• You can’t control your spouse.
• You can’t change your spouse.

• God can’t control your spouse.
• God can’t change your spouse.

• Only your spouse can control your spouse.
• Only your spouse can let God change your spouse.

Both of you must choose to make it work.  Both of you must submit to God.  Both of you must give up trying to control and change the other person.

Rather than focus on all the negatives, take the few positives and celebrate them immensely.  Find excuses to love your spouse unconditionally.  Hopefully, your love will compel them to put God in control and let him be the change maker.

Jay

I know, I know…I’ve heard the arguments.  Yes, yes, I get it…I’m a newlywed and couldn’t possibly have any idea what I’m talking about.  Agreed, agreed…I’m a rash and opinionated young man with no brain whatsoever.  Disagree with me, fine.  Blog about it.  I don’t care.  It’s just my opinion anyway, don’t get your stomach in a knot.  But I’m gonna say it anyway…

MARRIAGE is EASY!

I attended service at Forestview in Burlington this week.  Great church, for all your Burlington/Oakville people, check it out.  The speaker was Mike Stone, a dude so awesome that after I heard him speak at a wedding two weeks ago, I had to make the drive to check out his church.  We’re so glad we went.  The topic was divorce.

Mike preached a great message, from the heart, basically notes-free. (for all you preachers and speakers, you know what I’m talking about!) At one point in the message, he asked anyone to raise their hand if they thought marriage was easy.  No one in the room did.  I started to raise mine.  Michelle grabs my arm and yanked it down! (It’s obviously been much harder for her…understandably!)  Truth is, she was just embarrassed.

I’ll say it again- marriage is easy.

Think about it…you get to spend every single day with the person that you love more than anyone else in the entire world!  You get to entertain together.  Travel together.  Work together.  Raise a family together.  Do life together!  What’s so hard about that?!

We need to change our mindset: MARRIAGE DOESN’T HAVE TO BE HARD!

(now here’s the big catch that ya’ll have been waiting patiently for!)

But marriage WILL be hard if you choose to stay selfish, unforgiving, quick to anger, bitter, and self-serving.  In fact, it’ll be downright difficult.  Marriage will be a touch battle if you choose to make it about YOU and constantly blame your spouse for all your problems.  You’re in this together, remember?

So here’s my point: Marriage is easy.  Giving up your rights is hard.

With this in mind, consider my newly minted “Joyful Marriage Thesis”:

“If you consistently walk with God and practice selflessness, servanthood, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control…marriage will be easy.”

Life is hard. Marriage shouldn’t have to be.

Jay