Seriously couples, if you’re married and you’re happy, let your face know it.

Especially if you invited Jesus into your marriage.  There shouldn’t be any long faces in a cord-of-three-strands relationship!

I had the opportunity to attend the wedding of two friends on Saturday, Reg and Carolyn.  I think my favourite part was when Reg did his speech to his new bride.  Bawling like a baby.  Everyone got to see his heart…his deep love, tender affection, and overwhelming gratefulness that God had brought them together.

While I’d rather not be crying my whole life, I want my love for my wife to reflect to others the way Reg’s was witnessed by us.

This is more than just smiles.  No, I’m not saying you need to engage in massive amounts of PDA- you don’t have to be attached at the hip and you don’t need to always be cuddling and kissing in public.  That gets awkward.

It’s about letting everyone on the outside know about the inside.

I love to show off my wife.  I love to spoil her and show her affection and give her encouragement.  And when I do it in public, I validate her in front of my friends.  I increase her value by holding her up as valuable.

I see alot of couples who barely look civil, let alone in love.  I see alot of couples who look very bored.  I see alot of couples who look stressed and tired and worn down.  Yet I know they’re in love with God and each other.  Their faces just send a conflicting message.  We need to let our bodies in on the joy that’s in our hearts.

As couples, we NEED to let our love show.

Because the world is watching how lovers of Jesus love their spouses. It might be the only way they see Jesus.

More on that this Thursday.

Jay

(Hint: your marriage tells everyone the answer.)

“I Do!”

You do what?

Marriage is action.  Active love.

Love isn’t just sitting around.

Love isn’t working all day, coming home and watching TV all night.

Love isn’t always doing the things you want to do.

Love isn’t talking about this things you want to talk about.

Love isn’t telling them all your great ideas.

Love isn’t letting them help you with your project.

Love isn’t a boring habit of doing the same things again and again.

Love is actively being like Jesus, serving your spouse in the ways THEY NEED to be loved.

Maybe it’s giving them a gift. (beyond just chocolate and flowers)

Maybe it’s a surprise date. (get creative, go some place they’ve never been maybe)

Maybe it’s a list of debate questions. (that’s why we watch The Daily Show)

Maybe it’s a sit-down dream-session. (a MUST in all marriages!)

Maybe it’s learning or playing a sport together. (Michelle’s learning squash)

Maybe it’s trying something new together- a food or an activity. (I’m taking up soccer because Maui loves it)

Maybe it’s attending a new church or service in the area. (You never know what God might say)

Maybe it’s making the bed, or doing the laundry or dishes. (Especially if they’ve had a long day)

Maybe it’s a whispered word of encouragement in their ear. (I’m pretty sure encouraging one another is a biblical command!)

When you said “I do”, was it your famous last words or your first unending promise?

Jay

Last week I was taking a shower, and thinking about Michelle dying someday and how that would be the most horrible, lonely experience I could ever face.  How I’d need to surround myself with community despite wanting to be in deep isolation.  How I’d have to learn how to cry and mourn and heal.  How I’d have to pick up the pieces and move on with work, relationships, ministry, and life.  I didn’t like the prospects much at all.  I got out of the shower and gave Michelle a huge hug and said, “I don’t want you to ever die.” But the truth is- someday she will.  Or I will.

Just Google or YouTube ‘tribute to my wife’…

That evening, she said something I don’t like very much: “It’s hard to think that, given enough time, either you will outlive your spouse or your spouse will outlive you.  Eventually, someone has to say goodbye.”

I got to thinking about the marriages I know.  Who will be widowed first?  How will it happen?  I know quite a few bad drivers.  How will the surviving member go on?  Then I began to wonder about who would ever recover.  Then I began to ask the hard questions…

Could you live without your spouse?  Or would you cease to live?  Would you be able to carry on?  Or would you kill yourself?  Could you survive the heartbreak of loss?  Or would it break you?

This might be hard for many of you to hear- if you couldn’t live without your spouse, then your spouse has become your god and you need to re-size God and re-position your spouse.

A spouse is a gift from God.  A spouse is a trust from God.  A spouse was created by God, and a spouse will return to God.  He or she is yours, but not really.  Your spouse is God’s.

My advice?  Let go now.  Say goodbye now. Give up now.  Surrender your marriage to Jesus.  Place your spouse back in God’s hands.  Put yourself back in God’s hands.  It’s the only place where you can always be together.

There is nothing better than written communication.  My wife and I used to sneak notes to each other in grade eight.  We wrote love letters to each other when she was in Africa.  And we still write letters to each other today.

Every 2 months we sit down and write each other a letter.  We talk about the ups and the downs of the last 8 weeks.  We gently address the areas where we’d like to see the other person improve.  We encourage each other and praise them for the good and the great that they have achieved in the past few weeks.  We write prayers or verses or words of encouragement for each other.  We bless and lavish encouragement on each other.  Every single letter brings a smile and a laugh, and sometimes a tear.  Always joy.

It forces you to remember why you love each other.
It reminds you of what’s really important.
It leaves a record that you were, indeed, in love.  Who knows who it will bless in the future- your widowed spouse, your kids, or your grandkids.  Maybe it will even bless you again after they have passed on.

When you were dating, did you ever write a love letter?

Maybe it’s time to start again. And again.  And again.

Jay

Someone once said that “the sexual revolution was the best trick that man ever pulled on women.”

Women wanted to walk like men, talk like men, dress like men, smoke like men, drink like men, and work like men.

For the most part, it just made men respect them less- because now they had sunk to our level.  But more importantly, now they all started going to work…and expected their men to start helping around the house.

Men, of course, never signed up for that, and so, they never did anything around the house.  This led to the creation of a generation of workaholic, stressed out, wives and moms who simply can’t handle life.

It’s not their fault.  But it’s not man’s fault either.  It’s our fault.

For so long, men and women have tried so very hard to live without each other, simply because ‘the other way’ didn’t work.  Like Marcus Buckingham says, “The opposite isn’t bad isn’t good.  The opposite of bad is…not bad.”

Our greatest equality did not occur when we were completely dependent on each other.
Our greatest equality will not occur when we achieve complete independence of each other.
Our greatest equality will occur when we all adopt a spirit of partnership.

Partner with your spouse and do something great.  Raise a family.  Start a business.  Launch a ministry.  Plant a church.  Build a great marriage.