“That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others.  On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell [like a homeless man].  God doesn’t have bad breath.  God doesn’t reward kindness with evil.  God doesn’t make berating comments.  Loving God is easy, in this sense.  But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.

In the marriage context, we absolutely have no excuse.  God lets us choose whom we’re going to love.  Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving?  God doesn’t command us to get married; He offers it to us as an opportunity.  Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God  without loving our spouse as well… Yes, [your] spouse may be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for - to teach us how to love…Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity fo love - to teach you to be a Christian.”

I recently read a book that I recommend to anyone who is married or who is thinking about getting married called “Sacred Marriage - What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us Happy? ” by Gary Thomas which I just quoted above.  Mr. Thomas’s perspective of marriage is more incredible than any I have ever heard before.

As he states in his book he views marriage as the greatest catalyst to becoming more Christ like.  In marriage you have to live very close to another human being and learn to love, respect, honor, and serve them no matter what their actions are toward you.  Those are the very principles that Christ came to this earth to exemplify.  Marriage is a lab in which you get to test it out for yourself.  And apart from these qualities you cannot truly love God.

I was given my copy of “Sacred Marriage” at my wedding shower from my aunt.  After getting married I was looking for insights into how I could be the best wife possible for my new husband so I picked the book up and started to read it.  I put it down as fast as I picked it up.

In the beginning Thomas described the infatuation stage of romance and how it fades.  He described the point of view held by many that getting married will be the thing that ultimately makes them happy and completes them, but that is a false assumption.  He wrote that even though it is hard to admit, spouses will at times feel hate for one another though they are dependent on each other.  The hate word was it for me.  I put the book down, went and talked it over with my new husband telling him that I did not agree with this man.  He didn’t know what he was talking about.  I could never hate the wonderful man  I married.

Four years into our marriage and two kids later I heard Gary Thomas on the radio promoting his new book and he mentioned “Sacred Marriage.”  Everything he said seemed right on point so I decided to go back and give the book another chance.  This time I read it all the way through in 3 days and have never agreed more with a book on marriage than this one.  Kind of funny, huh?!

I still don’t like to use the word hate, but I have been very angry and hurt by my husband.  Though extremely hard at times for me to accept, I know I have made my husband extremely angry and hurt at times too.   We have discovered for ourselves that our spouse cannot complete us and will fail us from time to time.  We now have to work harder than we use to keep romance alive due to responsibilities such as two children, finances, and the many other things that demand our attention.  The infatuation stage has passed, but I think we would both agree that the love we have for one another today is sweeter than anything we experienced in the beginning.

Marriage isn’t for everyone, and God  was gracious in not making it a requirement, but there is nothing else like it.  It is not for the weak at heart, but for those who are determined to learn to be more Christ-like.   Do you love God? Are letting your marriage teach you to be more Christ-like?  Are you striving to love, respect, honor and serve your spouse?

Sarah Brown

(Picture of Sarah and CJ Brown taken by Miguel Ramos)

My husband, C.J.,  is working on his master’s degree in Human Fitness and Performance which is a fancy term for physical fitness.  All that he has left to complete is his project for which he is writing a strength and conditioning manual for firefighters.  He works very hard on his project all the while holding down two jobs and being a wonderful husband and daddy.  He is superman in my eyes.

Three weeks ago for the first time ever in my life I mowed the yard, did all the edging and weed eating, and even trimmed the bushes.  I found I really enjoyed doing the yard work, and I have done it once a week since.

The first week our neighbor saw me doing the yard and told me, “C.J. doesn’t know how good he has got it.”   The second week he complimented my husband for a job well done.  C.J. told our neighbor it had not been him that did the yard, but rather me.  Our neighbor told my husband, “I know you are working on your firefighter manual, but you would make a lot more money if you wrote a manual on how to train your wife.” 

C.J. and I both kind of giggled at his comment, but his wife who was standing right there did not look amused.  If I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have been amused either.

This week as I did the yard I was thinking about our neighbor’s comment.  While I must admit it I did think of his comment as a compliment, I didn’t see what the big deal was about me doing the yard.  When I consider all that C.J. does for our family, taking one extra thing off of him doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.  Besides I was only taking care of our ”field” much like the woman in Proverbs 31.   When I thought about the woman of Proverbs 31 I realized that the manual on how to train your wife has already been written.  It is called the Bible.

The Bible is the manual for all areas of life and the most important book to reference in marriage.  It gives instruction to both man and wife  on how to fulfill their role and love their spouse. 

Are you referencing your manual?  Have you looked to God for ways to show your spouse love?  What have you come up with?  Do you live your life serving your spouse rather than seeking how they can serve you?

Sarah Brown

“Stay with the prostitute.”

That has got to be the WORST command that God ever gave to a man.

The man was Hosea, a prophet of the Lord.  God tells him to marry a lady of the night, a promiscuous woman named Gomer.  And God even tells Hosea- “dude- she ain’t gonna stop cheating neither.  But stay with her.”

So, Hosea obeys, and marries Gomer.  She very quickly goes back to her old lifestyle.  Hosea brings her back again and again.  Eventually, he outright BUYS her back.

WHY THE HECK WOULD ANY MAN GO THROUGH SUCH A HEARTBREAKING ORDEAL?!!!

Two reasons:

Hosea and Gomer’s relationship were to serve as a picture for the people of Israel.  Here is the Billy Graham or the Rick Warren of the people of Israel…married to a cheating hooker.  And yet he lovingly and graciously and patiently remains faithful despite all her wickedness.  That’s how Israel was treating God.  And they felt it in a very real way as they watched their spiritual leader endure such pain.  That’s how we treat God.  Yet He loves us and remains faithful to this day.

Hosea and Gomer’s relationship serves as a model for us to follow.  DON’T BAIL.  Marriage isn’t like a cell phone or a car that you just replace when you’re bored or when it gets old.  Don’t cheat.  Don’t quit.  Never give up.  And don’t stop forgiving either.  Forgive. Endure. Embrace.  Take back.  Buy back.  Lay hold of the claim which you previously staked.  With God’s anointing, the two of you will get through anything.

Jay

I don’t even know if I should ask that question.  It’s a hard question.  I was thinking about my closest friends this week.  There are about 12 of us couples who live in the Hamilton area.  All newly married.  All happy.  For the moment. But if the stats prove true, more than half of us will end our commitments prematurely.

I look around and (even though maybe I shouldn’t) ask, “who will get divorced first?”  Will it be an affair?  A mutual thing?  Will he do it or will she do it?  Will it be a series of ups and downs?  One massive fight?  Will it make
all the friends choose sides?  Will one of the dudes move in with us?  Will they both move back home to their parents?  What about church?  Friend functions?

One of my cousins…every single woman in her wedding party is now separated.  I’ve seen the mess it causes in children, having watched the slow divorce of a young couple in a church I once attended.

Not only do we need to avoid divorce, we need to steer a wide path away from bad marriages.  It’s not enough to just be ’safe’.  We need to have awesome marriages.  And I think this is a group effort.  Here are three very important keys to ’staying happily put’!

Relationship with God.  Stop fooling yourself.  A marriage without Jesus is like a PB&J without bread…there’s nothing to hold it together.  Proverbs 13 “A God-loyal life keeps you on track….sin dumps the wicked in the ditch.” Don’t get pitched- get right with God.

Community. It’s alot harder to let your marriage fall apart when you’re constantly surrounded by other couples trying to pursue God.  Someone is bound to notice.  Someone will call you to account.  I’m grateful for each the friends I have with the Boldness And Loving Leadership to ask how things are REALLY going.  Proverbs 13: 20 “Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces”. You get like the people by which you intentionally surround yourself.

A willingness to get right. I hang around with certain couples and see certain interactions and think ‘boy, I sure hope that doesn’t get worse.‘  I’m sure others think the same of me!  “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself;
  but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” God had no use for a fool, and neither does this earth- expect when an example is needed to be made.  Only a headcase refuses to learn and grow from others.  Get there.

Get right with God.  Get in community.  Get right with people.  Don’t become a stat.  Don’t become a first.

And if you must be the first, be the first community to be jam-pack-filled with God-centred, passionate, I-love-you-so-much-I-want-to-scream marriages.

Any other ideas on how we can be divorce-free communities?  And more importantly- how do we become communities full of godly, worship-filled relationships?