My husband, C.J.,  is working on his master’s degree in Human Fitness and Performance which is a fancy term for physical fitness.  All that he has left to complete is his project for which he is writing a strength and conditioning manual for firefighters.  He works very hard on his project all the while holding down two jobs and being a wonderful husband and daddy.  He is superman in my eyes.

Three weeks ago for the first time ever in my life I mowed the yard, did all the edging and weed eating, and even trimmed the bushes.  I found I really enjoyed doing the yard work, and I have done it once a week since.

The first week our neighbor saw me doing the yard and told me, “C.J. doesn’t know how good he has got it.”   The second week he complimented my husband for a job well done.  C.J. told our neighbor it had not been him that did the yard, but rather me.  Our neighbor told my husband, “I know you are working on your firefighter manual, but you would make a lot more money if you wrote a manual on how to train your wife.” 

C.J. and I both kind of giggled at his comment, but his wife who was standing right there did not look amused.  If I were in her shoes I don’t think I would have been amused either.

This week as I did the yard I was thinking about our neighbor’s comment.  While I must admit it I did think of his comment as a compliment, I didn’t see what the big deal was about me doing the yard.  When I consider all that C.J. does for our family, taking one extra thing off of him doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.  Besides I was only taking care of our ”field” much like the woman in Proverbs 31.   When I thought about the woman of Proverbs 31 I realized that the manual on how to train your wife has already been written.  It is called the Bible.

The Bible is the manual for all areas of life and the most important book to reference in marriage.  It gives instruction to both man and wife  on how to fulfill their role and love their spouse. 

Are you referencing your manual?  Have you looked to God for ways to show your spouse love?  What have you come up with?  Do you live your life serving your spouse rather than seeking how they can serve you?

Sarah Brown

One day many months ago, after Jay and Michelle were married they decided to accompany me and Tabitha in a double date consisting of dinner and a movie. I forget what the conversation was, or how we even talked about the subject, but all I remember is Jay saying “I’m the only one who will take out the garbage. I`m not letting Michelle`s pretty hands touch the stuff!”

Not only until recently did I truly understand: Women want to feel like they are looked after, and that`s what Jay was doing with those particular actions. My wife also wants me to take care of her. She has a very large mothering side, but she has a desire for me to take care of her and make her feel protected.

I realize now this is in the smallest of things. This includes walking on the car side of the sidewalk, opening doors for her, unlocking her side of the car first, doing the dishes, the garbage … and the list goes on. Don`t be mistaken … I`m not depended on to do these things. It`s not like I`m a slave at her every whim. She doesn`t abuse me this way. She has done dishes, and recycling, and vacuuming. But she likes it when I do it for her.

So, how can you take care of your significant other? Start with the little things … she will be grateful. It will make her feel loved, pursued, and cherished. Well worth the investment of your time.

Make your spouse feel loved deeply.
Make them feel desired infinitely.
Cherish each other intimately.

Aaron

Hopefully she has a better landing…

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then distance makes the love grow stronger.

My wife left for Florida on Friday at 5am.  She returns tonight past midnight.  I miss her DEARLY!

I miss her smell. I miss talking to her and cuddling in bed.  I miss meals together and playing squash and singing and laughing. I even miss fighting.

Time apart is great.  And necessary.  But coming back together… amazing.  I think it’s a small glimpse, a small picture, of God’s longing and desire to be with us, no matter how far or long we’ve gone.

Like the prodigal son returning home.

Like teenage Jesus returning to Mary and Joseph.

Like Christ returning to His Father.

Like us, returning to Him.

I’m still unpacking my notes from my mom’s message a few weeks ago at Reverb….one thing that really stuck out was a great word called ‘Choreplay.’ It’s the idea that serving around the house will rev up a women.  Maybe it’s true, but it has a dark side…the manipulation of servanthood.

I have heard SO MANY preachers, especially as certain unnamed men’s conferences, say something like, “if you do_________, then she’ll do _______.”  “If you just say this, then she’ll do that.”  “If you serve her like this, then you’re bound to get laid.” Everyone laughs and claps and elbows each other in the ribs.  It seriously pisses me off.

I don’t barter my services for sex.  I don’t expect my wife to have to work hard for me if she expects to be treated well.  We don’t serve our spouses in order to get laid (or to get a bigger chunk of the money to spend on crap we don’t need).  Serving has no agenda. Wait…serving has no SELFISH agenda.

We serve each other in order to help each other.  We serve each other as an expression of our love in action.  We serve each other to get closer to each other.  We serve each other to practice being like Jesus.  We serve each other in order to become one.

And maybe, just maybe, this intimacy might then spill over into the bedroom.

On Wednesday night I ran errands with my wife.

For four hours.

Drop off pants at the tailors.  Shopping at a thrift store, found nothing.  Buy potted plant. Return movies.  Drop of recyclables (okay, wine bottles). Drop off a ring at my engraver.  Drop of potted plant at home.  Name the potted plant ‘Tigris.’  Groceries.    Pick up pants at tailors.  Make dinner.

In summary, you have two options:

1. “I had to run a bunch of stupid errands with my wife”

2. “I got to spend time quality time with my wife doing annoying yet meaningful activities that will add to the quality of our lives.”

Dang…errands don’t seem so bad anymore.  It’s just a change in perspective.

Jay